Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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