Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
