My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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