so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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