woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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