Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
