I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
