We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You're like the curious george of whores
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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