they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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