i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
