Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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