Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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