I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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