i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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