no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
