you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
