i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
