is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
