She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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