she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
