Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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