I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
