toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
