I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
