I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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