good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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