i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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