sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
