My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
