vagina is talking i cant
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
