This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was born a porn star she said
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
