I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize