I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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