After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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