I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
