It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
