oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
