its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
