your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
