I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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