How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The struggles of a small town man whore
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
