Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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