a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
