Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
