last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
