Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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