I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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