I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I look better un-naked...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
