She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
