apparently the secret to your success is patron
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
