I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
