she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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