My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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