Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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