so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
