you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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