so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
