And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
