i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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