how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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