Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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