Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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