Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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