areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
