yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
